Sep 12, 2008


Two more days of examination to go..
And my mind is downright messed up.
straight to the core.
I've been thinking.
About my relationship with those who I call my friends.
And the more I think about it.
The more I think that they're simply illusions made up by my desperate heart.
Oh so desperate.To confide in someone I can trust,and for that someone to have their trust and faith sealed in me.
To have that kind of worthiness.So desperate.
I have friends.yes.Even went as far as dubbing them as 'best friends'.
But that I look back into the past history of our relationship.
I can't really name someone who is a true friend.
Given that someone asks me about who I value the most as a friend.
I don't think I will be able to answer that.
My friends,they are there for me.Most of the time.
But,each one of them has a person whom they are close to,even more than me.
I know I sound selfish.Spoiled even in the eyes of some.
I know what I'm asking is maybe even a little too much.
But I feel so left out and awkward.
It even hurts to have this kind of emptiness.
I trust my friends.I rarely keep anything secret from them.Believing that they will,in turn do the same.
But as time passes..slowly,one by one seemed to be brimming with things that they almost so desperately wish to hide from me.
I feel so rejected.All the f*****g time I poured my heart and soul to them.
And I guess I'm just not good enough.
I know.Having accepted my weaknesses long ago.Though doing nothing to improve it.
Alas,maybe it's not my time yet.
I just hope one day soon,I'll know what it's like to have,
a true friend.